So, I’ve talked about fear, faith, excuses and the reason you do what you do. But some of you still haven’t been able to turn the corner in your business or in your personal life. So, what is holding you back? It’s cliché to say it’s just you holding yourself back. So, if I were to say that now, how much good would it do for you? I submit to you that it wouldn’t do much good at all. For that reason, I will attempt to say something different here. At least I will endeavor to say it in a way that you will be able to walk away from your computer with a plan of action. It may sound harsh at times but understand that I mean all this for your benefit. It’s tough love. So, if you’re ready to walk with me…read on.
First, I need some information. Well, I don’t need it but I need you to at least say it out loud to yourself so you can hear it for yourself. This information will help you down the road.
Number one, what is the biggest problem you are facing at this moment? I want you to specifically define it right now. Is it that you don’t have enough money? Do you have money that you don’t know what to do with? (If so, I’ll give you an address to which you can send it.) I’m only kidding. Are you unhappy with your relationships? Are you not getting the recognition you want or deserve at work? What is it? Clearly define it and say it out loud.
Yes, aloud. You really have to say it aloud. Write it down first if you have to but no matter what, it has to be specific and you have to say it aloud. It has to be this way if you want it to be real. You want it to be real if you want to be able to do anything about it. If you didn’t want to do something about it, you wouldn’t be here. So, let’s continue.
OK. Let me be clear here. I want you to REALLY understand what I mean by specific. You could say, “I wish I had more money” or “I don’t have enough money.” However, that isn’t specific enough. You need to say, “I would like $400 dollars per month more so I can comfortably afford my car payment as well as the kids’ daycare and put a little away for my retirement.” “I am not happy with my relationships” isn’t specific enough either. You need to say, “I am having a hard time connecting with people about whom I care deeply and I feel isolated and alone as a result.” The more specific you are the better. If you can say, “I’m broke because I’m lazy.” (if that’s actually the reason) that’s even better still. Your specificity here will help you in later steps. So, be honest with yourself and be clear.
Now, I want you to figure out what your biggest challenge (Don’t call it a problem. Let’s call it your chief concern.) is and say it out loud right now. I’ll wait.
<having a sip of coffee>
Yes you do have to say it out loud. Now say it.
<checking the sports scores from last week>
OK, I’m not kidding. It really won’t work until you actually say it. Saying it in your head isn’t good enough.
Good. Now that you’ve identified what the problem is, let’s talk about the cause if you haven’t already. This is where I sound a little mean but remember…it’s tough love and it’s for your own good. How did you contribute to your current situation? For that matter, how much could you have done to avoid it even if you weren’t the real cause? Was there anything you could have done?
This too may sound like a strange line of questioning but I don’t want you to misunderstand. I am not blaming you but if you are a victim, you are essentially powerless. Powerlessness keeps you from being able to fix anything. If you can’t fix it anyway, you may as well stop reading now and save yourself any further aggravation. So, assuming that you have some power, let’s continue.
If you caused it, what went wrong? Was it a conscious or unconscious decision that was the culprit? Did you miscalculate the second and third order effects of your actions or was there a direct a to b correlation? Was this something that you could have seen coming? If you could have avoided it, why didn’t you? All of these things are important to identify and again…say aloud. So, once you figure out what you did to cause the mess, you need to say it aloud so you can hear it…so the universe can hear it.
If your relationships are bad because you don’t take time for the people you love, say it. If you don’t have any money because your work ethic won’t allow you to keep a job, say it. If your persistence and follow-through causes you to leave money on the table and miss business opportunities, say it. If you use time inefficiently, say it. Whatever your role in your principal concern, you have to own it…right now…aloud…for all (who are around) to hear. Believe me, it will pave the way for your solution.
Finally, what can you do about your issue? If you are the cause and you understand what you did to contribute to the issue, the answer is simple. Stop doing it. If your negligence was the cause, be more careful next time. If your lack of a skill or character trait is at fault…develop that skill or character trait and you are on your way to a better circumstance. It’s that easy. For most of you, it isn’t that simple.
For most, you had a hand in it but you weren’t the only cause of the problem. After all, you didn’t fire yourself or stop returning your own phone calls. You couldn’t have divorced yourself. The other person in the relationship had a hand in it as well, right? To you I give the following advice. Be objective, learn what you can and move on. Realize that you must have given the boss a reason to fire you if only that you hadn’t been in the company long enough to make the cut. Understand that your loved one must not have been getting what he or she needed from you. Otherwise they wouldn’t have sought it elsewhere. The bottom line is you need to understand your role in the issue and take it for what it is and learn to move on.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t say any of this lightly. I know what it is like to be on the receiving end of some of these circumstances. It stinks. However, you can only control what you can control. Forget about the rest. Don’t beat your head against a brick wall. The brick wall will win and you’ll end up with massive head trauma. Just see the obstacle for what it is and figure out a way to make it a stepping stone to a new frontier. As the military is fond of saying, “adapt and overcome.” You can do it!
You have the power to solve the problems that have a solution and to learn from the ones that don’t. You have been endowed with all the right “stuff” inside you to make it through. It’s possible that you don’t believe that. It’s possible that you are afraid that you will crumble under the stress of it all. If that’s the case, borrow my belief in you. I don’t even know you and I know that you’re good enough…great enough…to overcome the issues in your life today. I want massive success for you. I want happiness for you. I want prosperity for you. You are good enough. You do deserve it. You will have it.
All you have to do is own the mistakes that are yours, recognize your capabilities for what they are, ask for help when you need it and keep your eyes on the prize. I will go more into positive thinking and goal setting and the like at a later time but for now, I want you to know that you have everything that you need to get through what you’re going through.
So, I say to you this: To be or not to be…there is no question…BE! You are all that you need to be. So, just be. That’s enough.